ravenari: (art - fire trees)
[personal profile] ravenari
I've often talked about how snail is a part of my life, a trusted guide, a wonderful helper, and so on. So much so, that some of my friends call me 'snaily P.' I have always loved snails, of all kinds; but especially your bog-standard european garden snail, which is a bit of a pest here in Australia. Snail reminds me that for the sake of my health, my wellbeing, my sanity, my ability to execute skilled artwork, I have to slow down and appreciate the small things in life.

I have a cheetah energy in my life, I'm not sure if it is cheetah, but that's what I call her. Cheetah is fast and powerful. When she's resting she's impatient and hungry for success and triumph. She wants to be running and catching the things she desires. She tells me to do it ALL. That if I do it all fast enough, I can attain everything I want. She walks off in a huff when I remind her that cheetahs burn a lot of energy when they sprint, which is why they need clear focus. Ultimately she tells me to be an opportunist, to sprint when I need to sprint. But her energy in the back of my head gets me feeling agitated, stressed, and not appreciating the journey. Going too fast, and working too hard, for my own comfort.

The cheetah and the snail have opposing energies, at least right now. I have gotten sick, more times than I can remember, by listening to cheetah's agitation and impatience. By trying to do it all. I have worked consecutive 10 hour days. I have forgotten to sleep. I have told myself that if I just bury my energy into this one goal (no matter what it is), I'll triumph and then I can rest. The problem is, no one goal is good enough, and I never end up resting.

On the other hand, listening to snail has had me quitting the jobs that helped to make me sick. Has me sitting and looking at the small things in life. And sometimes taking things so slowly that I miss out on opportunities to learn and grow. By looking at the details, I sometimes miss the big picture. Snail can see the leaf in front of it, but it may not see the gardener behind it waiting to throw him over the fence. Cheetah sees the big plains, has to in order to survive. But Cheetah doesn't see any wisdom in knowing the leaves on a tree. The individual flowers on a flowering branch.

One area of my life that I seek to balance, almost constantly, is cheetah's 'let's do it quickly and with high energy,' with snail's 'let's do it slowly and with little energy.' It's 'big picture' vs. 'small picture.' I've been skewed more towards the cheetah almost all my life, and suffered dire consequences. And now the pendulum is swinging back towards snail and eventually, the pendulum will settle and I will know a thing that I bemusedly call 'intermittent balance.' Because the pendulum is never truly still, and because sometimes it's good to shake things up a bit to reveal further wisdoms that lie hidden like pebbles beneath the still lake.

I do need to go through a 'snail phase.' It is always with snail that I do the most of my internal healing. And it is always with cheetah that I achieve the most of my external triumphs and successes; even if I do struggle to recognise them for what they are. Finding balance, so far, has not been an easy thing for me. But it is something I know I'll get from applying a diligent, opportunistic work ethic; with a stable and solid grounding in knowing when to rest.

And see? In my last sentence of that last paragraph, right there is my paradox. For when I apply the principles of attaining balance in this area of my life - through knowing when to seize the achievements and then being able to slow down enough to appreciate them for what they are - I will have already attained it.

Do you have opposing energies in your life? What are they? What directions do they pull you and what sort of 'middle ground' are you looking for? Have you ever experienced totem animals that just didn't get along with each other, or seem to have energies that were in any way compatible? How did you deal with it?
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